The processes of rebalancing, recalibrating, rectifying and reducing stress when life drifts off course often detract from the main plan ...as is my case ...
Since my last blog, I've strived to adhere to my personal doctrine to embrace my passions and create meaning from them. Nonetheless, my passion for soccer achieved me a double break of my nose and a major concussion; my dog care business saw me make a poor judgment call and sustain a major bite, both incidents sending me to urgent care and subsequent doctors appointments.
When these types of events force us off course, anger and frustration typically blend together establishing a negative disposition from which it is usually difficult to be productive and profitable. Over the years, I've tried to manage these life events in ways that are different from my past ways or patterned behaviours so that I can grow forward and ideally change my own DNA. Part of this process involves stepping away from the emotion of circumstances. For example, in the case of the soccer nose crunch and concussion, I managed the moment of the incident without retribution. I extracted myself from the game and attended to the trauma immediately by going to the hospital. In earlier days, I likely would have placed a stop measure on my bloody nose, ignored my ringing head and sought revenge. After all, right before the ball smashed in my face, I'd made a very poor decision to encroach illegally the regulation space between the free kicker and the space I was to block.
As for the dog bite, again I took responsibility for my own poor decision: normally when I bring a visiting dog into my home, I bring it through the side gate to the back yard so as not to place Sadie (my full-time care dog) into defence mode. On this particular day, I was in a rush and decided to bring Naja (a husky-shepherd pup) through the laundry room door directly from the garage after I went to pick her up. As I entered the house, Sadie greeted us both and decided she was not in the mood to host Naja this particular day and growled and lunged at Naja. Naja returned the favour and the two dogs began their war. Thinking I might be able to break them up with a knee chop beneath their snoots, I jammed my leg in between their snarling snoots and Sadie chewed right into my inner thigh. It required stitches and it's been more than a month and my leg still shows bruising and a lump beneath the surface.
I'll admit my first instinct was to take Naja back home and to punish Sadie for what she'd done to me, but truly the result of this incident was a fault of mine alone. I left the two dogs alone for a couple of hours while I went to urgent care to rectify my new wound and when I returned home again the two dogs were habituating happily together.
The next part of this process of change for me (after I excepted blame for both incidents) was to forgive myself in order not to feel stress or anger. I will attest that it is much easier to forgive myself than it is to forgive others, so that was a fairly easy process.
I returned to soccer this week after the headaches subsided just a couple days ago. The plastic surgeon suggested that due to my age I should consider surrendering the sport I love so much. I will admit I actually contemplating his advice ....for a couple days at least ...before realizing that my life without soccer would be like driving through life with the spare tire on my vehicle. The first game back was filled with apprehension, but I stuck to my promise to not head the ball and not block free kicks. These new rules I've instilled in my future games will not be easy as my nature is more aggressive, but I also know that "at my age" if I don't make these subtle (or huge) transitions into healthier ways, I might be left wounded, angry, unforgiving and essentially stuck in my own vacuum.
Onward,
Liane
Self-Heeded Advice
So, I took the advice I delivered in my last blog, the one about resisting the shrivel; how your work can rob you of your natural juices ….your essence:
As I’d shared, my regular work had become uncomfortably light in the past several months with the majority of my work arriving in the form of referrals. The mounting anxiety encouraged me to be creative in how to formulate a new income and heed my own advice:
Dogs have been a part of my entire life. In the presence of canines I have come to realize the pure value in being “in the moment,” and above all, of being accepted.
Dogs never pretend.
Dogs are emotional and act on the very moment within which they exist. In this light – and my new role as “Liane, the dog walker” I have learned more about myself than I’d imagined possible when I decided I needed to take a dose of my own medicine.
One of my first dog clients was Bailey, who came into my world several months ago when I first signed up on Rover.com. His owners, two professional psychologists, had welcomed a Viszla pup into their lives. They quickly realized that this breed of dog, with his high energy and the usual puppy demands and annoyances combined were a lot to manage in light of their busy agendas and own personal needs.
In comes my first request to board Bailey for five days. I laugh today as I recall the experience, mostly because it’s now faded and secondly because I’ve taken care of Bailey twice this week alone and three months since that day and will again tomorrow. Before I go on with this post, I will attest that Bailey has come a long way since that first super-long weekend we spent together.
Now to refocus on my own growth. When one is not operating within their full demand, feeling valued or being paid their worth, they have a lot of time to contemplate the void (or grey) spaces. In my case, since I do not advertise my business in the usual ways, the realization of the economy was pronounced; the contracts were few and far between.
Frankly, I was getting bored. I reminisced the days I would wake up and walk my dog, regardless of the weather ….and winter was quickly approaching. With it typically meant long periods of time ….sometimes days ….where I often would not leave the house since my work is freelance and did not require me to.
That was when my daughter told me about Rover.com.
For some time, as I repositioned my days into managing walks, with daycare and boarding and the odd writing contract that managed to find me, I tried my best to stay present and accepting, like my own gospel and a mirror, a reflection of how I saw the dogs whom I sat and fed and walked every day.
It was at the time of my first emotional meltdown – probably after a full day with Bailey -- the rambunctious Viszla – that I realized I scripted my very own evolution as I resisted my very own ‘shrivel.’
As it turns out, the canine-loving business has become quite profitable, if not a complete deterrent to my writing business (which is now picking up again). I’ve become quite selective in my ‘clients’ and decide just how long and how many I wish to manage on any given day.
I’ve recently adopted a larger dog for an extended period while its owners tour Indonesia for six months. Never having been a large dog owner myself, it has become an adjustment, but a very welcomed one. Knowing full well the hermit I tend to become when the weather freezes over and work slows down over the Holiday Season and somewhat beyond, I knew that caring for a large dog would force me to become more active and venture outside more than I typically would.
Today, I hosted Naja, whose owners are spending all of January in England; tomorrow (as I stated) Bailey will return to my doggy daycare while his owners tend to the psych needs of humans and Sadie, my adopted dog gal is going to be annoyed most of the day while wee Bailey plays with her toys and chews her new bone.
Me? I’m excited to report that I have a couple writing files to close off, a brand new one to begin tomorrow and a phone call from a prospective new client expected at 9am.
There is a New Moon rising tonight and with that comes the end of certain cycles and the promise of new beginnings.
Namaste,
Liane